Carry On.

I ran across an article that was wordy but also enlightening. I am going to boil it down to a few simple points (if I can).

"Everything Happens for a Reason"
"You will be a better person for it"
"GOD has a plan"
(ever-popular among the slingers of platitudes)

These are some of the most powerful, most ridiculous and most hurtful things anyone can say to another; especially when that person is hurt or sick or grieving. My advice to all who say such things:


Every single one of those platitudes (and all other similar platitudes) is an attempt to deflect life by placing blame: Typically on the person who is suffering. None of those platitudes offer a single shred of comfort (to anyone. ever). Take your self-righteous self on down the road and leave them alone because you are not helping.

MOST of what happens in life is a random occurrence. We have all seen pictures of signs that say "Everything happens for a reason, and the reason is usually stupidity" and that about sums it up.

Far better thing to realize (and say):

"Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried." (Megan Devine said that, I think)

Do not tell people you "feel their pain"; that is nonsense. A friend lost his father-in-law recently; a man who was kind and gentle and an important part of his family life. I would never say "I feel your pain"; I would be a liar. I have lost people dear to me though, and WILL say "I understand your pain". Another friend was recently in a pretty bad auto accident; not seriously hurt but very banged up. I cannot feel his pain either (but I certainly understand it).

Quit telling people "I am here for you"; this implies action and unless you can make it go away you cannot be here for anyone. The best you can do is to "be here WITH you" and that is worth more than any futile action or platitude. Just a silent presence.

Humans need to grieve. Stupid platitudes and placing blame short change that need; demands for "action" or "growth" or "taking responsibility" deny the need altogether.

Allow your friends their grief; and allow yourself the same gift.